So, we live in Corydon, Indiana, which is (stretching your imagination a little) sort of a bedroom community for Louisville, KY, about 30 miles east of here. Accordingly, I read the Louisville Courier-Journal, in addition to the Corydon Democrat. And, periodically (pardon the pun) there will be found something newsworthy, or at least “comment worthy” in one of these papers. No, I’m not talking about earthquakes, cities burned to the ground, possible war with Russia over the little misunderstanding in the Ukraine – you call that stuff NEWS?
I learned just this morning that the powers-that-be are planning to put a PEDESTRIAN CROSSWALK over Interstate 71. Well, now, just think of all the ancillary expenses involved with that enterprise! We’re talking land, lots of land, to begin with. We’re talking parking lots on both sides, some type of access roads or exchanges will have to be constructed, both sides, steel, concrete, fuel for all those concrete trucks, lotsa union labor…. really piles up, doesn’t it? Of course, a simple crosswalk won’t do. We know for a fact that there are terrorists just waiting to hurl heavy objects down onto unsuspecting motorists sailing down the Interstate. So, we’re talking a TALL fence on the sides of the crosswalk, or a tubular fence of some sort. Wanna pay for that? I thought not. And the delay, my goodness, we’re talking at least a YEAR of construction, I’d think. If only SOMEONE could come up with a better plan. Someone.
Ok, here’s my idea. They should put in a PEDESTRIAN CATAPULT instead. Admit it, you like it already from just hearing the name, don’t you? The numerous benefits should be obvious to the most casual (casualty?) observer. Firstly, forget parking lots, we’re talking PEDESTRIANS here, people! And, regarding materials, I’m thinking that with a small investment in 2 by 4’s and some plywood, a few garage door springs, maybe an air compressor or two, and we’ve got a launcher. Sure, we’d have a launcher on both sides, just in case a pedestrian (read:survivor) needs to come back this way later. No matter, we’re still talking chump change here. For the receiving end, just some telephone poles and some cargo netting will work fine. Gettin’ the picture? Bodies flying through the air, briefcases going all different directions, purses, artificial limbs…. oh, the fun! Delays in construction? I think not! We could put the job out on Craigslist for bids, and after we go through the 3 or so bids we get, a coupla good ole boys could put this all together in two weeks, I’m thinkin. Expense? Hogwash! My estimate is $258, tops! Of course, this includes air compressors from Harbor Freight – I mean, there’s your savings! Do we really need top-of-the-line (read:safety approved, expensive) compressors? Maybe $30 each for the construction experts, what could be simpler?
OK, now we’re needing a GROUNDSWELL of opinion here, and a few volunteers, too. Note to volunteers: be sure to fill out that ‘next of kin’ form and include it with your application, k?